I actually didn’t fuck up as badly as I thought I had! I am the kind of person who tends to avoid looking at things or dealing with them if something goes wrong because I always expect the worse. When I finally felt well enough, I checked my last semester’s grades, and found I had actually still passed one of my classes with a C+ and got a D in another that actually counts because I started going to my college before they enacted the C or better policy. I hate leaving those classes with such shitty grades (my GPA is usually an A-) but I’ll take credit where I can.
I thought I’d have to do a medical withdrawal for the other two classes, but one of them I have to take for my program anyway so the F will be replaced with whatever I get this fall, and the other teacher is being amazingly awesome and allowing me to make up the work. This means I can still graduate this fall, even though I kind of lost it there for a while.
The spring is going to be a really difficult semester though: I have five classes, plus the class to make up, and though I only have class for two days a week, the days are 12 hours each (10:30am-9:50pm). I’m pretty nervous about it, but I know I really need to do this in order to get my degree and just move on with my life.
I’m also making a goal to read one poetry book per week. I’ve been reading books as normal even though I’ve been feeling shitty, so I think it’s gonna be a possible goal. With my financial aid, I went ahead and bought a few extra books that I didn’t need in order to have enough for this goal, though I’ll need a few more.
School started for me on Tuesday so I haven’t had all of my classes yet. Plus work, this is gonna be rough, but I think I’ll be ok.
I’ve seen a therapist twice, which is going well, but then she didn’t call me back for a week. She had previously told me she’d be busy, but I was getting kind of irritated. This morning I was woken up by her calling me (love that ringtone from that NES game Uninvited, heh) and she told me she had been previously out of the office, which is good.
See, the problem, as usual is money. The psychiatrist (who I was pretty irritated with because his “appointment” with me was him reading off the depression checklist) thoroughly questioned my past use of Ativan, something that really helps my panic attacks, asking if I abused it and shit. That made me really uncomfortable, but I digress. He gave me a script for something that the generic of was fifty bucks…yeah, that’s not cheap at all.
Couldn’t afford that but my mom gave me the hook up temporarily until we figure what’s going on. You know, Walgreens and CVS have prescription cards that give you a discount? That’s pretty cool.
Anyway, I’ve been taking this shit for 2 days and all it’s done so far has made me feel kind of pukey. I’ve been spending the past few weeks playing non-stop Dragon Age: Origins, which is keeping me busy, but I’d like to be a sane person soon.
Also I made a formspring account, so if you go to this page you can ask me whatever questions you want, even if you wanna be a super douche: http://www.formspring.me/imagesfromapoet. See you there!
Okay, this New Years Day (and partially today), Dan and I did our normal ritual of a movie marathon. Two years ago it was the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy — extended editions. Last year when Dustin and Chris were here, we watched alternating horror movies and Disney movies, meaning that Cloverfield was followed by Beauty and the Beast or something similar.
This year, I let Dan choose, and he went with “available Coen Brothers movies in chronological order.” A few days beforehand, we had watched Barton Fink (which he had never seen before) because it was only streaming on Netflix until December 31st, so we had that covered. The marathon started with Raising Arizona, a movie we had both seen before. Miller’s Crossing is streaming on Netflix and it’s one of the rare Coen movies neither of us had seen, so we watched that. And then Fargo.
Today we skipped a few (uh…I played Dragon Age: Origins all day) and just watched No Country For Old Men. I’m ashamed to say we bought that DVD over a year ago and just got around to watching it because it was really great. So now that the only Coen movie we haven’t seen is Blood Simple, I’m gonna put them in some kind of arbitrary order for my pleasure.
Here’s my top eleven starting with the “worst” one (quotes because even a bad Coen movie is still awesome:
- 11. Raising Arizona (1987) – An interesting but early film, has all of the Coen charm but they’re still figuring it out.
- 10. The Ladykillers (2004) – The characters in this movie are fucking amazing but the plot barely holds my attention.
- 09. Intolerable Cruelty (2003) – I like this movie a lot but Catherine Zeta-Jones really irritates me and that doesn’t help.
- 08. The Big Lebowski (1998) – A hilarious classic with plenty of quotable lines. Also Philip Seymour Hoffman.
- 07. Barton Fink (1991) – It’s just strange enough to be surreal and I love that it’s about a writer with writer’s block written as a way to cope with writer’s block.
- 06. The Hudsucker Proxy (1994) – My memory might be clouded with time since I haven’t seen it in 5 or so years, but I loved this one.
- 05. Burn After Reading (2008) – Probably the most laugh out loud of the Coen movies.
- 04. No Country For Old Men (2007) – There’s a reason everyone always talks about this movie. Cormac McCarthy is also amazing.
- 03. Fargo (1996) – Everything about this movie is perfect. I don’t even know how to surpass it.
- 02. A Serious Man (2009) – But somehow they did. Tighter direction and editing make this untouchable to me.
- 01. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) – Even though I just said ASM was untouchable, it’s not a movie I could watch every day if I wanted to. One of the top ten movies of all time.
Now, if you haven’t seen any or all of these movies, I can tell you they are each worthwhile and amazing and you should check them out. Joel and Ethan Coen are definitely the best filmmaking duo out there.
So I’ve not posted in the past month, but I’m probably about to post twice in a row to make up for it a little bit.
I’ve since found a therapist and possible psychiatric solutions, but I’ve been completely fine for the past week or more because I’m not having to worry about school — all of my stress seems to stem from the idea of “growing up” or “finding a career.” I think it’s just the idea of finding something I have to do for money 40 hours a week.
Anyway, I actually saw my family on Thanksgiving, which was kind of awkward but not completely unpleasant. My grandmother recently found out about my money troubles and about how we don’t have much money for food and she sent me a fuck ton of stuff to eat, so that was awesome.
My New Years Eve went well too. Dan and I went to a friend’s party. It wasn’t super fun because the majority of people there were really conflicting with me in interests (they spent a portion of the night doing drinking games) but we left around 1:30am and headed over to Abi and Tayler’s place to hang out. We had a few more drinks and were there until 5:00am playing Uninvited, a point and click for the NES. The game is ridiculous, but still pretty fun when you’re drinking and taking turns. We never beat it but I’m sure we’ll play more of it next time we see them.
I’m trying to look up for this next year, but I see a lot of issues. Because I failed all of my classes, if I actually choose to go back in the spring I most likely will not get financial aid. Do I want to continue going to school? I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.
Stay tuned for a less personal type post.
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About As a poet, I feel like any photography I do will always be a reflection of the words I use. When I think, I think in words, not images, unlike visual artists. This site houses a minimalist dream log, my poetry including poems from You May Waltz To Your Doom In Sanguine Stained Shoes, my photography, and a blog with Let's Play related entries.
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